The Wrong type of Modesty
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The Wrong type of Modesty
Oct 07, 08 | by frabel (Profile | Gallery | Blog)
A problem I have had (maybe since birth) is that I have a tough time accepting compliments. I guess I just never wanted to be perceived as a bragger. Now, this does not seem like a problem by itself, until you, out of a wrong sense of modesty, diminish your own work and your accomplishments as an artist, by not accepting compliments or just waving them away. I have not been able to accept compliments on my work, (or anything else for that matter) for over 40 years. Is just accepting a compliment that hard?
I have noticed that several artists, probably many of you as well, have the exact same problem, which is why I decided to write about this and give you my humble opinion.
If someone would tell me how incredible he or she felt my art was, I usually answered something like, “Well that’s just my job” or “You can do things that I cannot do”, or, “If you have done this as long as I have, it is not that hard”.
Recently, I had a most interesting conversation with someone who told me that it is impolite to say anything but “Thank you” to a compliment, no matter if the compliment is valid or not. I came to the realization that by giving the answers I always had, I was rejecting compliments that these people, who appreciate my art, are trying to give me. And that this gentleman was right that, it is just not very polite.
Also, what we do as artists is really not given to everyone. It is a talent (further developed with blood sweet and tears) and although we don’t have to go around and brag about that, there is no reason that we shouldn’t be proud of it. Just like top athletes like Lance Armstrong are proud of their success, in his case, winning the world’s premier bicycle race, the Tour de France 7 times! Does anyone think he is a bragger when he explains how hard he has worked and trained to win this event that many times?
So, over the last few years, I have changed my attitude and will no longer reject compliments. If someone tells me now: “Mr. Frabel, I just love your work.” my answer is: “Thank you very much. I appreciate the compliment.”
Now, was that so hard?
Remember, a compliment is like a gift, and it is just rude to reject a gift. I hope you (maybe through this website) will be swimming in gifts of compliments!
Godo
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Comments
I have had just had the pleasure of viewing your work at the Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh, PA.
I was totally blown away. I am so fascinated and mesmerized by your works that I am compelled to start taking classes at the glass center here. Is there a best starting point?
I am glad to hear you enjoyed the exhibition at Phipps. Most of the compliment should go to my team, who were there for over a week to get the whole show set-up. Creating the works is only part of an exhibition as most of you know.
Regarding starting with glass art: I believe it is a good idea to take classes and learn the right way to do things. My experience is that once you teach yourself bad habits (in anything you do), it is very hard to get rid of them.
I have had the advantage of learning all the technical aspects of glass first, because of my history as a scientific glassblower. Lateron, I started studying art and then decided to become a glass artist.
Good luck and looking forward to see pictures of your first glass works!
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Hans Godo Frabel
www.myglassart.org/frabel
www.frabel.com
Dear Godo and Others,
I've just now had a chance to sit and read your posts, and I have to say I share your experience and your sentiments. As I move forward developing and promoting my work, I have had to learn many new skills, the most difficult being ... walking the line between being arrogant and self-centered on one side and overly modest and apologetic on the other side. My best efforts are to go forward with humble confidence as I offer my art to the world, and to be honored to stand next to other artists I admire while doing so.
Best,
Kathleen
I never feel satisfied with my work. That is my main motivation for moving on, that and to get out all these ideas racing around in my head. Hearing a compliment about my work makes me just look harder for more mistakes to fix. I guess its partially OCD and that German blood running through my veins.
Mr Frabel,
Thank you for the insight as well and you too Jupiter. I feel the same way and say exactly the same things to people. This site has been amazing! I too would like to meet you Mr. Frabel and Mr Jupiter. Maybe, just maybe this will lead to a conference some day????? IT IS HARD TO SAY THANK YOU!! Mr. Frabel you are right we work hard and long hours to excel at what we do. And there are a lot of tears and failed projects behind the success. YOUR ART WORK IS AMAZING and I have always stood in awe of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
catherine
Great points! Ive felt the same way for a long time. I dont like to talk about myself but have too to sell my work. I finally realized that by accepting the praise i wasnt bragging ( as I felt i was), i was just sharing their enthusiasm. Ive met plenty of other artists who wont even give you the chance to comment on their work before they start telling you that they are the most amazing thing to ever happen in the medium. Not necessary, if your work is good it will stand on its own. i never wanted to be that guy and its made me a little shy about my own work. I think its possible to accept praise and still be humble.Having a place like this site helps. when people leave comments i fell i have to respond.
Mr. Frabel Id like to say that your work has been an inspiration to me. Id love to see in person someday!
Aloha Jupiter
Great observation. I think that truth and the validation of an accurate statement (not to mention polite acceptance of a "gift") is more important than our attempt at modesty. To validate truth, (based on accuracy of compliment), one must acknowledge what is true and confirm it, which may mean accepting compliments when deserved.
Good topic.